芒果街上的小屋猴子花園

猴子花園

　　猴子再也不住那裡了。猴子搬走了，去了肯塔基，帶著它的家人。我很開心，因為晚上再也不用聽它的狂嘶亂叫，聽它的主人們嘭嚓嚓搖滾樂般的動靜。那綠色的金屬籠子，陶瓷桌面，那說話聲音跟吉他似的一家人。猴子，一家人，桌子。都消失了。

　　從那時起我們接管了花園。以前我們不敢走進去，因為猴子在那裡尖叫，並且齜出它黃黃的牙齒。

　　那裡有向日葵，大得像火星上的花兒；還有肥厚的雞冠，花朵漫溢出來像劇院帷幔上深紅的裙邊。那裡有令人頭暈的蜜蜂和打著領結的果蠅翻著跟頭，在空中嗡嗡鳴唱。還有很甜很甜的桃樹。還有刺玫瑰、大薊和梨樹。野草多得像眯眼睛的星星，蹭得你腳踝癢癢的，直到你用肥皂和水洗淨。還有大個青蘋果，硬得像膝蓋。到處都是那種令人昏昏欲睡的氣味：腐爛的木頭、潮濕的泥土，以及那蒙了灰塵的蜀葵，像老去的人那白到發藍的金髮一樣濃密而馥鬱。

　　翻開石頭，就會有黃色的蜘蛛逃竄出去，畏光且無明的蒼白蠕蟲在它們的沉睡中翻卷起來。用一根小棍插進沙土裡，就會出來幾隻藍色的甲蟲。還有一路螞蟻，還有那麼多的殼兒脆脆的瓢蟲。這是一個花園，看著它，是春天裡的一件賞心樂事。可是，慢慢地，從猴子走後，花園就開始自作主張了。花兒不再規矩地待在防止它們長過小徑的小磚頭後面，野草混了進來。廢棄的小汽車像蘑菇一樣一夜之間就冒了出來。先是一輛，又來了一輛，然後是那輛沒了擋風玻璃的淺藍色皮卡車。不知不覺，猴子花園裡充滿了沉睡的汽車。

　　花園裡的東西在以某種方式消失，好像是花園自己把它們給吃了，要不就是它的老頭記性，把東西收起來就忘掉了。在牽牛花爬過的那面石牆下的兩塊石頭中間，蕾妮發現了一元錢和一隻死老鼠。有一次，我們捉迷藏時，埃迪·法加斯頭枕在一棵木槿樹下，像瑞普·凡·溫克爾那樣睡了過去，直到有人想起來他還在躲迷藏，才回去找他。

　　這個，我想，就是我們去那裡的原因。遠得讓媽媽找不到我們。我們，還有幾條住在空車子裡的老狗。有一次，我們在那輛藍色舊皮卡車的後鬥裡設了個俱樂部。還有，我們喜歡從一輛車頂跳到另一輛車頂，假裝它們是巨大的蘑菇。

　　漸漸起來一種傳言，說別的事物都還沒出現之前，這裡便有了猴子花園。我們很樂意去想，這個花園可以把東西藏上一千年。在濕漉漉的花兒的根下面，躺著被謀殺的海盜和恐龍的骨頭，而獨角獸的眼睛變成了煤。

　　這裡是我曾經想死去的地方，是那天我試過去死的地方，可是，連猴子花園都不願意收留我。那將是我最後一天去那裡。

　　是誰說我太大了不能玩這樣的遊戲了？是誰的話我沒有聽？我只記得，別人都跑開時，我也想跑，跑上跑下躥遍猴子花園，像男孩一樣快，而不是像薩莉那樣，看到襪子上沾了泥巴就尖叫。

　　我說，薩莉，來呀。可她沒動。她待在路邊和提陀還有他的朋友們說話。你想和小孩們玩，那你就玩吧。她說。我留在這裡。她想要傲慢的話，就能傲慢起來。於是我離開了。

　　那也是她自己的錯。我回來時，薩莉正在假裝生氣……好像是男孩們偷了她的鑰匙。請還給我。她說著，用一隻柔軟的拳頭捶打著最近的那個。他們都笑開了。她也是。那是一個我不懂的玩笑。

　　我想回去和別的孩子一起玩，他們還在汽車上跳來跳去，還在花園裡互相追逐。可薩莉有她自己的遊戲。

　　一個男孩設計了規則。提陀的一個朋友說，除非你親我們，要不就拿不回鑰匙。薩莉一開始假裝很生氣，然後就說好吧。就那麼簡單。

　　我不知道為什麼。我身體裡有什麼東西想要扔樹枝。有什麼東西想要說不，當我看到薩莉走進花園裡去，而提陀的夥伴們都在壞笑時。只是親一下。就好了。每人親一下。這有什麼呢？她說。

　　可是，我不知道為什麼心裡很憤怒。好像有什麼不對勁。薩莉走到那輛藍色舊車後面去親男孩，拿回她的鑰匙，而我卻跑上三層樓梯到了提陀家住的地方。他媽媽在熨襯衫。她用一個空的汽水瓶往上噴水，同時抽著一枝煙。

　　你兒子和他的朋友偷了薩莉的鑰匙，不還給她，除非她親他們。現在他們就在讓她親他們，爬完三層樓後的我累得上氣不接下氣地說。

　　那些個小傢伙。她說，頭都沒抬一下，繼續熨著。

　　就這樣嗎？

　　你想要我做什麼呢，她說，叫警察？然後繼續熨衣服。

　　我瞪著她很久，可想不出要說什麼，於是跑下三層樓梯回花園，到需要解救的薩莉那裡去。我拿了三根大樹枝和一塊磚頭，心想這些應該夠了。

　　可我到了那裡，薩莉說回家吧。那些男孩說走開。我手裡拿著磚頭覺得自己很蠢。他們都那麼瞧著我，好像我才是那個做蠢事的人。這讓我覺得很羞愧。

　　然後我不知道為什麼我得跑開。我得把自己藏在花園的另一邊，藏在樹叢裡，一棵不會介意我躺下來哭很久的樹下面。我使勁把眼睛閉起來，像最渺小的星星那樣，好讓自己不哭。可我還是哭了。我的臉在發燙。身體裡的每樣東西都在呃逆。

　　我在哪裡讀到過的，在印度，有的祭司可以憑藉意志讓自己的心臟停跳。我也想用意志讓自己的血停止流，心停止跳。我想要死去，化成雨，想要我的眼睛融化，像兩條黑蝸牛一樣溶進土裡。我想呀想呀，閉上眼睛一心一意地想。等我站起來時，我的裙子變綠了，頭也痛了起來。

　　我看著自己穿著白襪和圓鞋的腳。它們好像很遙遠，似乎不再是我的腳了。花園曾經是那麼好玩的去處，可現在似乎也不是我的了。

　　The monkey doesn't live there anymore. The monkey moved——to Kentucky——and took his people with him. And I was glad because I couldn't listen anymore to his wild screaming at night, the twangy yakkety-yak of the people who owned him. The greeal cage, the porcelain table top, the family that spoke like guitars. Monkey, family, table. All gone.

　　And it was theook over the garden we had been afraid to go into when the monkey screamed and showed its yellow teeth.

　　There were sunflowers big as flowers on Mars and thick cobs bleeding the deep red fringe of theater curtains. There were dizzy bees and bow-tied fruit flies turning somersaults and humming in the air. Sweet sweet peach trees. Thorn roses and thistle and pears. Weeds like so many squinty-eyed stars and brush that made your ad ittil you washed with soap and water. There were big green apples hard as knees. And everywhere the sleepy smell of rotting wood, damp earth and dusty hollyhocks thid perfumy like the blue-blond hair of the dead.

　　Yellow spiders ran wheurned rocks over and pale worms blind and afraid of light rolled over in their sleep. Poke a sti the sandy soil and a few blue-skinned beetles would appear, an avenue of ants, so many crusty lady bugs. This was a garden, a wonderful thing to look at in the spring. But bit by bit, after the monkey left, the garden began to take over itself. Flowers stopped obeying the little bricks that kept them from growing beyond their paths. Weeds mixed in. Dead cars appeared ht like mushrooms. First one and then another and then a pale blue pickup with the front windshield missing. Before you k, the monkey garden became filled with sleepy cars.

　　Things had a way of disappearing in the garden, as if the garden itself ate them, or, as if with its old-man memory, it put them away and fot them. Nenny found a dollar and a dead mouse between two rocks ione wall where the m glories climbed, and once when we were playing hide-and-seek, Eddie Vargas laid his head beh a hibiscus tree and fell asleep there like a Rip Van Wiil somebody remembered he was in the game a back to look for him.

　　This, I suppose, was the reason ent there. Far away from where our mothers could find us. We and a few old dogs who lived ihe empty cars. We made a clubhouse on the back of that old blue pickup. And besides, we liked to jump from the roof of one car to another and pretend they were giant mushrooms.

　　Somebody started the lie that the monkey garden had been there before anything. We liked to think the garden could hide things for a thousand years. There beh the roots of soggy flowers were the bones of murdered pirates and dinosaurs, the eye of a uni turo coal.

　　This is where I wao die and where I tried one day but not even the monkey garden would have me. It was the last day I would go there.

　　Who was it that said I was getting too old to play the games? Who was it I didn't listen to? I only remember that whehers ran, I wao run too, up and down and through the monkey garden, fast as the boys, not like Sally who screamed if she got her stogs muddy.

　　I said, Sally, e on, but she wouldn't. She stayed by the curb talking to Tito and his friends. Play with the kids if you want, she said, I'm staying here. She could be stuck-up like that if she wao, so I just left.

　　It was her own fault too. When I got back Sally retending to be mad……something about the boys having stolen her keys. Please give them bae, she said pung the oh a soft fist. They were laughing. She was too. It was a joke I didn't get.

　　I wao go back with the other kids who were still jumping on cars, still chasing each other through the garden, but Sally had her own game.

　　One of the boys ied the rules. One of Tito's friends said you 't get the keys baless you kiss us and Sally preteo be mad at first but she said yes. It was that simple.

　　I don't know why, but something inside me wao throw a stick. Something wao say no when I watched Sally going into the garden with Tito's buddies all grinning. It was just a kiss, that's all. A kiss for eae. So what, she said.

　　Only how e I felt angry inside. Like something wasn't right. Sally went behind that old blue pickup to kiss the boys a her keys back, and I ran up three flights of stairs to where Tito lived. His mother was ironing shirts. She rinkling water on them from ay pop bottle and smoking a cigarette.

　　Your son and his friends stole Sally's keys and now they won't give them bales she kisses them and right now they're making her kiss them, I said all out of breath from the three flights of stairs.

　　Those kids, she said, not looking up from her ironing.

　　That's all?

　　What do you wao do, she said, call the cops? A on ironing.

　　I looked at her a long time, but couldn't think of anything to say, and ran back dowhree flights to the garden where Sally o be saved. I took three big sticks and a brid figured this was enough.

　　But when I got there Sally said go home. Those boys said leave us alone. I felt stupid with my brick. They all looked at me as if I was the ohat was crazy and made me feel ashamed.

　　And then I don't know why but I had to run away. I had to hide myself at the other end of the garden, in the jungle part, under a tree that wouldn't mind if I lay down and cried a long time. I closed my eyes like tight stars so that I wouldn't, but I did. My face felt hot. Everything inside hiccupped.

　　I read somewhere in India there are priests who will their heart to stop beating. I wao will my blood to stop, my heart to quit its pumping. I wao be dead, to turn into the rain, my eyes melt into the ground like two blaails. I wished and wished. I closed my eyes and willed it, but when I got up my dress was green and I had a headache.

　　I looked at my feet in their white socks and ugly round shoes. They seemed far away. They didn't seem to be my feet anymore. And the garden that had been such a good place to play didn't seem miher.

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