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米飯三明治


  那些特殊的孩子,那些脖子上套著鑰匙的孩子,他們在餐廳吃飯。餐廳! 名字聽起來就不一樣。那些孩子在午餐時間去那裡,因為他們的媽媽不在家,或者家太遠了不好回。

  我的家不遠,也不近。有一天我不知怎麼想起來要媽媽幫我做一個三明治,並寫上一張紙條給校長,那樣我就也可以在餐廳吃飯了。

  哦,不,她用切黃油的小刀指著我,好像我正在挑起事端一樣。不行,長官。你知道接下來的事情就是每個人都會想帶盒飯——我夜裡就得忙著把麵包切成三角丁,這個抹上蛋黃醬,那個撒上胡椒,我的不要泡菜,每面都要胡椒末。你們這些孩子就喜歡給我找事兒。

  可蕾妮說她從不想在學校吃,因為她喜歡和她最要好的朋友一起回家,格洛莉亞住在校園對面。格洛莉亞的媽媽有個大彩電,她們就在那裡看卡通片。另外,奇奇和卡洛斯是童子軍,他們也不想在學校吃。他們喜歡站在寒冷中,尤其在下雨的時候。自從看了電影《斯巴達三百壯》 後,他們就認為吃苦有好處。

  我可不是斯巴達人。我伸出一隻蒼白的手腕來證明。不吹到頭暈的話我就吹不爆一個氣球。還有,我知道怎麼給自己準備午餐。如果我在學校吃,你就可以少洗幾個盤子。你看到我的時間少了就會更喜歡我。每天中午我的椅子是空的。你會哭著說我那心愛的丫頭呢?而最後我三點鐘回家的時候,你會更欣賞我。

  好的。好的。媽媽在我這樣磨了她三天后說。第二天早上我上學的時候就帶著媽媽的信和一個米飯三明治,因為我們午飯沒肉吃。

  是星期一還是星期五?這不重要。早晨總是過去很慢,那天尤其是。午餐時間終於到了,我得和留校的孩子們一起排隊。一切都很順利,直到那個記得所有在餐廳吃飯的小孩的嬤嬤看著我說,你,誰讓你來這裡的?我因為害羞,什麼都沒說,只是伸出拿著信的手。這樣不好,她說,得大嬤嬤說好才行。上樓去見她吧。於是我就走上樓。

  我得等兩個在我前面的小孩進去聽訓,他們一個是因為上課時幹了什麼事情,一個是因為上課時沒幹什麼事情。輪到我了,我站在那張大桌子前面,桌子的玻璃板下面壓著一幅聖像。大嬤嬤讀著我的信。信是這樣寫的:

  親愛的大嬤嬤:

  請讓埃斯佩朗莎在午餐廳吃飯,因為她住得很遠,會走累的。你看她有多瘦啊。上帝保佑她不會暈倒。

  謝謝。

  E.科爾德羅太太

  你住得不遠,她說。你住在大街對面。只有四個街區。甚至還沒有。也許是三個。離這裡只有三個街區。我肯定我能從窗戶裡看到你家。哪一棟?來這邊。哪棟是你家?

  接著她讓我站在一盒子書上面去指給她看。那棟嗎?她說,指著一排醜陋的三戶式公寓樓,那裡是衣衫襤褸的人都羞於走進去的地方。是的,我點頭,儘管我知道那裡不是我家。我哭了起來。我經常在嬤嬤朝我吼的時候哭,儘管她們沒有吼。

  然後她很抱歉,說我可以留下來,只是今天,明天或者以後——你就回家。我說好的,可以給我一張面紙 嗎?——我要擤擤鼻子。

  到了餐廳,那裡沒什麼特別的。好多男孩和女孩看著我邊哭邊吃三明治,那麵包已經很油膩了。米飯也冷掉了。

  The special kids, the ones who wear keys around their necks, get to eat in the teen. The teehe name sounds important. And these kids at lunch time go there because their mothers aren't home or home is too far away to get to.

  My home isn't far but it's not close either, and somehow I got it in my head one day to ask my mother to make me a sandwid write a o the principal so I could eat in the teen too.

  Oh no, she says pointing the butter k me as if I'm starting trouble, no sir. hing you know everybody will be wanting a bag lunch——I'll be up all night cutting bread into little triahis oh mayonhis oh mustard, no pickles on mine, but mustard on one side please. You kids just like to i more work for me.

  But Nenny says she doesn't want to eat at school——ever——because she likes to go home with her best friend Gloria who lives across the scholoria's mama has a big color T. V.and all they do is watch cartoons. Kiki and Carlos, oher hand, are patrol boys. They don't want to eat at school either. They like to stand out in the cold especially if it's raining. They think suffering is good for you ever sihey saw that movie 300 Spartans.

  I'm no Spartan and hold up an anemic wrist to prove it. I 't even blow up a balloon without getting dizzy. And besides, I know how to make my own lunch. If I ate at school there'd be less dishes to wash. You would see me less and less and like me better. Everyday at noon my chair would be empty. Where is my favorite daughter you would cry, and when I came home finally at three p.m.you would appreciate me.

  Okay, okay, my mother says after three days of this. And the following m I get to go to school with my mother's letter and a rice sandwich because we don't have lunch meat.

  Mondays or Fridays, it doesn't matter, ms always go by slow and this day especially. But lunchtime came finally and I got to get in lih the stay-at-school kids. Every-thing is fiil the nun who knows all the teen kids by heart looks at me and says:You, who sent you here? And since I am shy, I don't say anything, just hold out my hand with the letter. This is no good, she says, till Sister Superiives the okay. Go upstairs and see her. And so I went.

  I had to wait for two kids in front of me to get hollered at, one because he did something in class, the other because he didn't. My turn came and I stood in front of the big desk with holy pictures uhe glass while the Sister Superior read my letter. It went like this:

  Dear Sister Superior,

  Please let Espera in the lun because she lives too far away and she gets tired. As you see she is very skinny. I hope to God she does not faint.

  Thanking you,

  Mrs. E. Cordero

  You don't live far, she says. You live across the boulevard. That's only four blocks. Not even. Three maybe. Three long blocks away from here. I bet I see your house from my window. Whie? e here. Whie is your house?

  And then she made me stand up on a box of books and point. That one?she said, pointing to a row of ugly three-flats, the ones even the raggedy men are ashamed to go into. Yes, I nodded even though I khat wasn't my house and started to cry. I always cry when nuns yell at me, even if they're not yelling.

  Then she was sorry and said I could stay just for today, not tomorrow or the day after you go home. And I said yes and could I please have a Kleenex-I had to blow my nose.

  In the teen,which was nothing special,lots of boys and girls watched while I cried and ate my sandwich,the bread already greasy and the rice cold.


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